Fully accepted and loved, I feel most free when I am with my people. Where I struggle in several areas of well-being, my life is full with deep connections. Recent texts from my small group thread include: “I’ve found a family with you all. Love you all so much!” “You all are my tribe and I feel it every day. I am so grateful God led me to this special and sacred space, this family. He heard my cry and longing for community. It has been exceedingly more that I could have expected or hoped for!” Our group walks through life together in times of celebration or grief. Certainly, this closeness did not develop overnight. Our unconditional support for each other is a result of each member being honest, vulnerable, and trustworthy.
I am a member of several communities: Neighbors, gym buddies, wacky women (we are really not all that wacky), sassy lassies (but we are kind of sassy), and a small group though my church. They all vary in depth and focus but fill my basic human need for connection beyond my immediate family. Much of my time and energy is spent fostering these relationships but I completely trust my investment!
Once upon a time, people lived in community. Neighbors talked, had cook-outs and went to church or social clubs together. In our time, it’s difficult to make lasting connections with those who live right outside our front door. We have hundreds of “friends” and “followers” through online social networking, but we don’t often know their true selves beyond their curated profiles. A very practical resource is The Art of Neighboring: Building Genuine Relationships Right Outside Your Door by Jay Pathak and Dave Runyon. After working through this book, I was finally driven to meet the guy who lives beyond my back fence (His name is Brian).
The saddest question I’ve ever heard was from a 93-year-old client with no involved family or close friends. As a home-care occupational therapist, I was working with him on self-care skills. Half-way through donning his pants he asked, “Don’t you know any capable older ladies who would like companionship? They could live here for free, help out with a few things, and I would leave them everything.” Especially through the pandemic, I saw first hand the cost of loneliness where our collective physical, emotional, and spiritual health plummeted.
Loneliness is the new smoking-
While cigarette smoking is decreasing, the negative health aspects of loneliness can impact us in similar ways. Dr. Vivek Murthy, US surgeon general said in an 81-page report from his office, that isolation increases a person’s likelihood for experiencing depression, anxiety and dementia. The report also reveals that individuals with poor social relationships had a greater risk of stroke and heart disease, increasing the risk of premature death by nearly 30 percent.
In his book, Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World, Vivek H Murthy M.D. outlines the importance of human connection, the hidden impact of loneliness on our health, and the social power of community. He suggests four primary practices to foster connections in your life.
- Spend time each day with those you love. Devote at least 15 minutes each day to connecting with those you most care about.
- Focus on each other. Forget about multitasking and give the other person the gift of your full attention, making eye contact, if possible, and genuinely listening.
- Embrace solitude. The first step toward building stronger connections with others is to build a stronger connection with oneself. Meditation, prayer, art, music, and time spent outdoors can all be sources of solitary comfort and joy.
- Help and be helped. Service is a form of human connection that reminds us of our value and purpose in life. Checking on a neighbor, seeking advice, even just offering a smile to a stranger six feet away, all can make us stronger.
A perfect example of good neighboring, my mother-in-law has a spread sheet on her refrigerator that lists all her immediate neighbors, their phone numbers, and favorite meals so they can support each other in any type of storm (be it ice storm or family loss). What steps are you willing to take to invest in your community?
Community connection is one of my core values. It is also one of the primary objectives of my business and blog- to foster community and remind each of you that you are not alone. We do need each other! If you would like to connect more deeply, message me at threetothrivewellness@gmail.com.
“We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone – we find it with another.” —Thomas Merton, American Trappist monk, writer, theologian, mystic, poet, social activist and scholar.
Be Well (Connected)
-Trish